My husband and I have been married for 12 years and monogamous for 15… or so I thought. We were experiencing a tough time in March of 2014, and I was gearing up for surgery in April. We have two children, the pressure was on and the financial burden we were facing was extreme.
Back and forth we went, arguing, trying to figure it all out… I noticed on his phone one day as I’m standing in the bathroom that a text came through from Danielle. He had told me she was part of a group he was working with for business. The text asked him to come and pick her up so they could ride together to an event. I asked him when he came round the corner why he would be picking her up from her house? He said they were meeting a group and all going together. I politely asked to be invited. He said it was inappropriate for him to bring me to this event, then after I pushed a bit more he wavered. I began to get dressed and when I was ready, after he had tried unsuccessfully to pick a fight with me so I wouldn’t go, he realized this was happening. Suddenly we get in the car and he says, “Let’s have a date night. We’re not going to the event anymore as some of the main people couldn’t come.” I just said ok, but knew in my gut that something was amiss. I later looked at his text message back to Danielle and it simply said, “Sorry, something came up. I can’t make it.”
My only encounter with Danielle was at an event I was helping my husband coordinate. We walk up to the event and I recognize her from facebook. (She never did accept my friend request… go figure) She’s working the door and the guest list. I breeze past her, but was determined to talk to her later, if only to introduce myself properly. That moment comes and I said I was the wife, and had heard so much about her, and was really looking forward to doing additional business with her throughout the year. I tried to be friendly, and she just looked right past me and said, “It’s nice to meet you. I look forward to supporting local businesses.” Then she ignored me the rest of the night. Fine… I told my husband she was very cold and slightly bitchy to me. He wore a look of shock and couldn’t understand why she was being that way. He mentioned I was probably being over sensitive.
Months go on and we have another big fight when he tells me the day before he leaves for a 3 day bachelor party (no notice)… Of course I’m not happy and tell him if he chooses to leave me in the lurch last minute with the kids (I work full time and then some) that he shouldn’t bother coming home. He was responsible for this choice and he needed to decide what was important. He chose the bachelor party. And apparently he chose Danielle when he got back from the bachelor party, didn’t come home, and went out and hooked up with her.
I only found this out at Thanksgiving at my families house. My husband passed my daughter his phone (which he is ridiculously protective of.) and she was trying to get the music to work. She handed me the phone, and I was on autopilot. I immediately clicked messages, and there she was… the first thing I read was his text to her… “I hope you’re not still sore, I need some more sexy time.”
That’s all it took. Instead of creating a scene, I waited for the kids to go inside and get to bed and then confronted him. He refused to engage and just got pissed off.
I went inside and wrote Danielle an email stating that I now knew of the situation between her and my husband. And I knew it had been going on a while. And I knew she knew who I was and that my husband was married with two children. Her response to my email was basically, “This has nothing to do with me, this is a couples issue. Hire a therapist and leave me out of it.”
She then blocked me from social media, email, etc. Fine, because I have no desire to talk to her. But she should know that she engaged in this scenario willingly. She has helped tear a family apart when it was at its weakest point. She needs to understand accountability. Had she apologized, seemed remorseful, or disengaged after she met me and treated me like an asshole, I would not be writing this. Instead, she decided to tell me to hire a therapist.
